keeping our enemies at bay

Well, it has been almost a month in beautiful Zerifin. I would just like to recount some of my finer moments in my military service.

I was sent as an armed guard to escort a group of people in a course for the Chevra Kadisha (people who deal with funeral services and burial.) The trip was, as one might expect, to a cemetery and mortuary in order to learn the necessary requirements for the course. As some of you know, I am a Kohen; thus, I am forbidden to enter a cemetery or mortuary under most circumstances. Upon being given the job as the armed guard I asked my boss what I am expected to do, since I cannot violate Halacha. He told me to just to sit in the office outside of the cemetery and wait for the guys while they go on their course.

“But what if they need me? What if something happens?” I asked.

“Don’t worry. One of the guys will have your number. He’ll call you,” My officer responded.

I retorted, “It shouldn’t be too hard to find them. They’ll be the ones being shot at without someone to defend them. Either way, they’re already in a cemetery with a Chevra Kadisha. I guess even if the worst possible scenario occurs, they couldn’t have it any easier.”

Another story of my defending the State of Israel:

Last week I worked as a backwards Mashgiach, or at least that is what I call it. There was a group of soldiers who were having a Shabbaton and the Rabbinate sent me along with two of the organizers in order to see to it that any food that they bought for Shabbat was Kosher. As a matter of policy, the Army Rabbinate only accepts labels of Kashrut that is endorsed by national religious Kashrut endorsements, such as the Chief Rabbi of the country or any particular city. The strange thing was that the soldiers kept finding stuff that was endorsed by ultra-orthodox Rabbis, so the food had a standard of Kashrut way above the standard Rabbinate. Unfortunately, since it was not endorsed by national religious Kashrut endorsements I had to keep telling them that they could not buy it. Thus instead of ensuring that all the food was Kosher enough, I was ensuring that they did not buy anything that was too Kosher.

Oh, I got engaged. I will only be discussing the aspect of the relationship of being engaged and its relationship to the army in this blog, keeping with the original idea.

In the spirit of breaking the rule I set forth in the previous sentence, you can leave me a message of mazal tov on onlysimchas.com. Look for Jonathan Degani. That’s me.

That’s all for now. I am off to keep defending the country in my only very limited way.

all over the place

I finished my first full week working for the Rabbinate. I am still not sure what will be happening, but as of now I am helping out a captain with the religious needs of the base, such as Kashering food, preparing for religious events etc. (I spent a large chunk of the week preparing a seder Tu B’Shvat for a bunch of lieutenants.) I will probably be in a course to be a religious counselor, once the course begins, and I may be taught how to check and fix mezuzahs in order to fix up what is needed in the base.

I am meeting a lot of people who do nothing in the army. No, I am not talking about lazy people, I mean people who actually have a job of doing nothing. These is a guy who works in my department and actually has an office and seems to do nothing. After working with him for a week and a half I asked him, “Eli, what is your job here?” He shrugged his shoulders and told me that he is “just there” in case someone needs something, but in the mean time he has a TV in his office to kill time. And this isn’t a case of a solider without a job, he actually signed up for a job in the army (he is in his thirties) and the army usually only does that if they want the person to stay one.

There are a group of guys who show up every day to get a paper or something. They were waiting when I first arrived a week or so ago and told me that they have been waiting outside the office for a month. I thought they were joking, but it has now been almost two weeks and they just show up every day, wait and go home.

I met a lot of people around the base over the past week. Everyone is fascinated by Americans. I usually get two different kinds stages of responses. First they tell me how noble I am for moving to the country and volunteering for the army, then they ask me why I would possibly volunteer my time into such a crazy army.

Rabbi Jonny Degani

Oh, you read the title correctly. I am in the Army Rabbinate. Strange turn of events.

The week started off normal, running, drills etc. Monday I had my swearing in ceremony. I didn’t swear; I affirmed, as all religious people do.

Tuesday morning we had distance breaking. That is when the Mefakdot introduce themselves for real. Once you get past basic training, everyone in the army addresses each other by their first name; the formalities are over. As we clearly saw, the mefakdot were are all much younger than us. One of the funniest things was hearing them say their ages. They said their ages with halves (“I am nineteen and a half”) like little kids. They sat with us during breakfast and it was kind of weird and fun to talk to them like normal people. Thursday night everyone met at a park in Tel Aviv and we had a barbeque.

Tuesday afternoon I was sent to Bakum (central army base) with all the people who were not sent to one of the five jobs mentioned in the last entry. After waiting about 7 hours, I found out that I am in the Army Rabbinate. The general told me I would be in the Chevra Kadisha (those who care for the deceased.) I explained I was a Kohen (thus I cannot come in contact with a corpse) and he told me to work it out with the Rabbinical Authority tomorrow when I report for duty.

My new base in called Zrifin. The base is located near Rishon Le Zion. Unlike my old base, Zrifin is the size of a small city; you need a bus to get around within the base. I had some luck the first day.

A cop stopped me for jaywalking and asked for my ID in order to give me a ticket. I responded in my blatantly American accent and suddenly it all got better. The cop turned from a serious officer into a teenage girl and asks “where are you from in the States?” “Do you know my friend in Brooklyn?” and other questions that Israeli girls ask when they see an American. Somehow, my ticket turned into a warning and a free ride to the base.

I had to go all over the area and do paperwork and then meet with Avi, the head of the department. By the time I got to see Avi it was too late and he told me to meet with him again the next morning.

I was not the only Shlav Bet guy to go. Another guy went and the next morning he was told that in two weeks he’ll be in a course for the Chevra Kadisha. I was not assigned the same because I am a Kohen. Avi understood; Avi is also a Kohen.

The army is desperate for people in the Rabbinate. The Religious Zionist people in the army usually want to be in fighting units (80% of Hesder soldiers are fighters, as opposed to 30% of non-religious Israelis.) I found out a few days later that two other men from Shlav bet were taken into the Rabbinate. Apparently, when they were sent to a base, someone noticed they had a kippa and took them. One is a Mashgiach, which is a thankless job of cutting vegetables, and one is a religious counselor.

Well, most guys in the Rabbinate have a low profile because most religious guys with a high profile go into a fighting unit. Hence, a guy with a strong Yeshiva background and a high profile is kind of a rarity. Avi refuses to put me into a simple course for a job like Mashgiach. He told me that if he accepts me I’ll have something interesting, but difficult. He is still thinking about what course I should take.

In the mean time, I help out around the office. It is like I am in a totally different army. It is much more laid back and disorganized.

Oh, I am living at home now. I kind of miss being at the base during basic training. I had a lot of good friends there and to be honest, Yeshiva isn’t that much cleaner. Still, it's good to be home

Finishing the Basics

Well, I officially finish basic training on Tuesday. I can’t believe it is over. I have not been updating my journal due to lack of time and that itself should stand as a testament as to how little free time I have.

A few notes and observations.

1 – I learned how to shoot and M-16; rather, I learned that I don’t know how to shoot well. If a terrorist would be standing directly in front of me, there is only a 50-50 chance I would hit him with a bullet. I would probably have better luck using the back of the gun or throwing my canteen.

2 – I did Shmirah (guard duty.) When you learn to do shmirah you are that if you see someone first you yell “ta’atzor” (stop in Hebrew). If he keeps going toward you you say “wakaf anna batuhah” (stop or I’ll shoot in Arabic). If he still goes toward you, shoot two warning shots. Then if he is still going advancing, you shoot.

Forget the Hebrew, certainly forget the Arabic. If there is a suspect, I’m not taking any chances. I’ll yell “stop or I’ll shoot” in ENGLISH and fire. My aim is so bad that it probably won’t hit him and will serve as a warning shot. If it does hit, well, then I guess that is God’s will.

3 – I made a lot of great friends in my short amount of time in the army. I remember when I first got there and had no one to talk to any time and didn’t even care for my breaks. Now I enjoy every break and even time in class. It also made the Shabbas in the base especially special.

4 – The army is very accommodating about religious stuff; although the people in the army are ignorant. They do stupid and insensitive stuff, but if you just tell them, they are more than accommodating.

5 – Shlav bet (tier 2 – the program I am in) prepares people for one of five options in the army. The options are (1) truck driver, (2) auto mechanic (3) handy man (4) driving huge bulldozers, mostly for search and rescue or clearing out mine fields, (5) chem and bio hazard control, used often for clearing off tanks in war or controlling the army in the case of chemical or biological warfare. You can also write in whatever options you want but you need some pull to get into something else. I will know what I will get in a week or two. I chose Handyman and put in a request for Rabbi.

This is the schedule for shalv bet: 5 weeks basic training. Those with a low level of Hebrew (and I mean really really low) do ulpan for 2 months. Those with a satisfactory level are stationed doing something somewhere for 2 months (I’ll tell you when I know later this week.) Then you take a course for one of the things mentioned above for 3 months, and you go home and do regular Meluim (yearly service). I am not sure if during the time in classes you have to do other stuff like shmira (guard duty), I’ll find out when I happens.

6 – The army is not very organized. It can be really frustrating. They teach you to value time dearly and then waste it on nothing. It is also difficult to schedule your life during army service.

7 – This past week we visited Jerusalem. We went to the Old City, Har Herzl (which I didn’t go into because I am a Kohen) and Yad Vashem. Yad Vashem was redone recently, but either way it was the first time I ever went. I chose to go at my own pace to read what I wanted and listen to videos of survivors. I was exceptionally moving. There were two points where I almost cried while listening to videos of survivors telling their stories.

8 – Last week we visited the border by Lebanon and Syria. Israel has a lot of awesome spy equipment. The coolest thing was seeing that Israel has a feed into Syria’s camera’s spying on Israel.

A word on Har Dov (the Shaba farms). This was the first time I ever saw Har Dov. Nothing can grow on there, because it is too high up. In fact Syria did not even use it as farmland when they controlled it. It is not all that strategic to Syria or Lebanon because the Hermon, which is Israel’s, overlooks it. All you can do from Har Dov is shoot into Metulah, an Israeli town on the border. There is no reason for Lebanon to insist on having it or for Israel to give it away.

Basic Training Part 4

It has been a long time since I last wrote an entry and much has happened. I will try to recall whatever I can, but the mere fact that I have not had time to record most of my thoughts in the army is already a testament to how busy I have been,

I also want to apologize for not e-mailing anyone back who e-mailed me. I can check my e-mail in the army (via cell phone) but I cannot write back. That is why I am talking to everyone at once, ad bloc, via this blog.

The week was awesome. I had a lot of fun and became much better friends with the guys in my unit. Here is the rundown.

December 24

Back at the base nice and early. We got out guns and learned some basic stuff (how to clear it of any bullets and make sure it is safe to use. We also learned how to take the M-16 apart.

Sidenote: All the M-16s say “property of the US government” on them. They were donated by America during the Yom Kippur war. There were the same M-16s used by Americans in order to fight in Vietnam. Also, all the jelly for the sandwiches comes from America (Shoprite Brand.) I think it is part of the foreign aid package.

December 25

Monday was awesome. We went out and learned all kinds of different shooting positions and fighting techniques. The ground was covered in rocks to learning many activities, such as crawling, was extremely painful. Still, it was a lot of fun.

December 26

It’s raining; I’m freezing. We do most things inside. We learn different types of first aid (bandages, tourniquets, etc.) and more about shooting. It is good to relax.

December 27

Now there are really making stuff up for us to do. We were supposed to go shooting, but that is being postponed on account of the rain. I know rain is a blessing, but when you are freezing and wet every time you go outside, you begin to ask God to withhold His blessing just a little bit.

We were tested on the first aid stuff and parts of the weapons and portable phones. This was the written part. It was a complete joke. Everyone cheated in plain site, shouting answers across the room. I felt like I was in middle school.

December 28

Again, nothing to do in the morning, but somehow the army manages to fill up the time with nonsense. In the afternoon we had our physical tests (no cheating.) We had to know different shooting positions, how to disassemble and reassemble an M-16 etc. I passed. I think everyone did.

We got the packages from kids abroad. There are packages of food and blankets and some other stuff for lone soldiers. It felt just like the movies.

December 29

Wake up at 4:30 like every day. We were sent home for Shabbat at 6 AM. It takes about 4 and a half hours to get to my home in Jerusalem. Shabbat Shalom to me.

Basic Training Part 3

You know what’s great? Shacharit – the 45 minutes or longer that I have to pray to God and escape the wrath of bossy 19 year olds. Being religious has been much easier than I thought.

Not much happened. Aside from standard formation and physical stuff, we had a class on the different levels and officers in the Army. Now I can easily distinguish a capable leader from a punk 19 year old.

Every classroom has a picture of Dan Halutz, the commander in chief, and Moshe Katzav, the President. I have yet to see a single picture of Ehud Olmert, the Prime Minister, anywhere. I wonder if there is a reason for that.

Basic Training Part 2

The unit I was in was temporary; all of us needed to be divided based on our level of Hebrew. I took a test in the morning and by the afternoon we’d be given new units. That afternoon I was placed in the unit with the highest level of Hebrew. This is a mixed blessing, because while most of the guys are more serious, I don’t understand everything that is being said. I went to an Ulpan that taught mostly verbs and I am severely lacking in my knowledge of nouns.

There are 17 guys in my unit, coming from 10 different countries, United States, Canada, Argentina, England, Denmark, France, Holland, Russia, Ukraine, and Australia.

My new Mefakedet (commander) is much nicer than the one I previously had before. Nonetheless, whenever she senses a lax attitude, we have to do push ups, then sit ups then push ups again. We do just enough until it hurts and you can barely move anymore.

I am so tired. My body is so sore. Every time someone speaks I end up falling asleep and end up having to stand for the rest of the speech as a punishment.

We never just walk somewhere. We are just told “line up there in 20 seconds” and we run in order to get there and line up. The thing is that you can ask for more time if you need, but you cannot just move once time is up. You have to admit and plan for your abilities.

We got Madei Bet uniforms. These are the ones that you wear around the base, they are much dirtier and can take a beating. Only one pair of my Madei Bet clothes fits me, and the 19 year old girls who run the place keep giving me the same size every time I try to exchange the pair that doesn’t fit. I now wear the same clothes every day that I get all disgusting and sweaty.

We have to keep changing from Madei Bet to Alef and back to Bet again. It is a huge pain because every time I change I have to untie and retie my shoes, which can take up to 10 minutes. This is nearly impossible considering we are only given 7 minutes to go upstairs, change, and come back down. I keep getting in trouble. Finally I decide to come down without the shoes tied so that I can be on time. This was the best idea and now I am not yelled at every time I change.

One of the most difficult things about being in the army is managing bodily functions. Planning to use the bathroom or even scratch your face could be a tumultuous, difficult task.

Oh.. I got a gun, but no bullets. We can only have the guns during the week; soldiers in training are no longer trusted to take guns home on weekends.