Basic Training Part 4

It has been a long time since I last wrote an entry and much has happened. I will try to recall whatever I can, but the mere fact that I have not had time to record most of my thoughts in the army is already a testament to how busy I have been,

I also want to apologize for not e-mailing anyone back who e-mailed me. I can check my e-mail in the army (via cell phone) but I cannot write back. That is why I am talking to everyone at once, ad bloc, via this blog.

The week was awesome. I had a lot of fun and became much better friends with the guys in my unit. Here is the rundown.

December 24

Back at the base nice and early. We got out guns and learned some basic stuff (how to clear it of any bullets and make sure it is safe to use. We also learned how to take the M-16 apart.

Sidenote: All the M-16s say “property of the US government” on them. They were donated by America during the Yom Kippur war. There were the same M-16s used by Americans in order to fight in Vietnam. Also, all the jelly for the sandwiches comes from America (Shoprite Brand.) I think it is part of the foreign aid package.

December 25

Monday was awesome. We went out and learned all kinds of different shooting positions and fighting techniques. The ground was covered in rocks to learning many activities, such as crawling, was extremely painful. Still, it was a lot of fun.

December 26

It’s raining; I’m freezing. We do most things inside. We learn different types of first aid (bandages, tourniquets, etc.) and more about shooting. It is good to relax.

December 27

Now there are really making stuff up for us to do. We were supposed to go shooting, but that is being postponed on account of the rain. I know rain is a blessing, but when you are freezing and wet every time you go outside, you begin to ask God to withhold His blessing just a little bit.

We were tested on the first aid stuff and parts of the weapons and portable phones. This was the written part. It was a complete joke. Everyone cheated in plain site, shouting answers across the room. I felt like I was in middle school.

December 28

Again, nothing to do in the morning, but somehow the army manages to fill up the time with nonsense. In the afternoon we had our physical tests (no cheating.) We had to know different shooting positions, how to disassemble and reassemble an M-16 etc. I passed. I think everyone did.

We got the packages from kids abroad. There are packages of food and blankets and some other stuff for lone soldiers. It felt just like the movies.

December 29

Wake up at 4:30 like every day. We were sent home for Shabbat at 6 AM. It takes about 4 and a half hours to get to my home in Jerusalem. Shabbat Shalom to me.

Basic Training Part 3

You know what’s great? Shacharit – the 45 minutes or longer that I have to pray to God and escape the wrath of bossy 19 year olds. Being religious has been much easier than I thought.

Not much happened. Aside from standard formation and physical stuff, we had a class on the different levels and officers in the Army. Now I can easily distinguish a capable leader from a punk 19 year old.

Every classroom has a picture of Dan Halutz, the commander in chief, and Moshe Katzav, the President. I have yet to see a single picture of Ehud Olmert, the Prime Minister, anywhere. I wonder if there is a reason for that.

Basic Training Part 2

The unit I was in was temporary; all of us needed to be divided based on our level of Hebrew. I took a test in the morning and by the afternoon we’d be given new units. That afternoon I was placed in the unit with the highest level of Hebrew. This is a mixed blessing, because while most of the guys are more serious, I don’t understand everything that is being said. I went to an Ulpan that taught mostly verbs and I am severely lacking in my knowledge of nouns.

There are 17 guys in my unit, coming from 10 different countries, United States, Canada, Argentina, England, Denmark, France, Holland, Russia, Ukraine, and Australia.

My new Mefakedet (commander) is much nicer than the one I previously had before. Nonetheless, whenever she senses a lax attitude, we have to do push ups, then sit ups then push ups again. We do just enough until it hurts and you can barely move anymore.

I am so tired. My body is so sore. Every time someone speaks I end up falling asleep and end up having to stand for the rest of the speech as a punishment.

We never just walk somewhere. We are just told “line up there in 20 seconds” and we run in order to get there and line up. The thing is that you can ask for more time if you need, but you cannot just move once time is up. You have to admit and plan for your abilities.

We got Madei Bet uniforms. These are the ones that you wear around the base, they are much dirtier and can take a beating. Only one pair of my Madei Bet clothes fits me, and the 19 year old girls who run the place keep giving me the same size every time I try to exchange the pair that doesn’t fit. I now wear the same clothes every day that I get all disgusting and sweaty.

We have to keep changing from Madei Bet to Alef and back to Bet again. It is a huge pain because every time I change I have to untie and retie my shoes, which can take up to 10 minutes. This is nearly impossible considering we are only given 7 minutes to go upstairs, change, and come back down. I keep getting in trouble. Finally I decide to come down without the shoes tied so that I can be on time. This was the best idea and now I am not yelled at every time I change.

One of the most difficult things about being in the army is managing bodily functions. Planning to use the bathroom or even scratch your face could be a tumultuous, difficult task.

Oh.. I got a gun, but no bullets. We can only have the guns during the week; soldiers in training are no longer trusted to take guns home on weekends.

Opening Day - Basic Training Part 1

Interesting morning. I found out that I am not in shlav gimmel (tier 3.) Apparently the government phased out shlav gimmel this past summer and now I am in shlav bet (tier 2.)

In the morning I met up with a bunch of other people as Ammunition Hill in Jerusalem. All the guys there were given a brief induction and taken into an absorption base near Tel Aviv, where the army took down our information, gave us any necessary vaccinations, and gave us our uniforms. (These uniforms are the nice one people wear to special occasions and in public –called Madei Alef.)

That afternoon we were taken up to Michve’ Alon, our current base. We were divided into units and met with our commanders. Our commanders are all a bunch of bossy 19 year old girls. We started learning basic formations and tasks and eventually we were driven to out limits.

My unit was mostly Russian. There was one Canadian guy who speaks English.

The food is okay, but the dining room is cramped and kind of dirty. The army does not give out napkins of any sort at meals. There are Menorahs and time to light Chanukah candles during dinner.

The housing is disgusting. I live in a room with bunk beds against every inch or wall; there is no place to put anything. If you have anything, you have to put it on or under your bed (and share that limited space under the bed with the guy who sleeps in the bed above you.)

There is only one hour at night to relax, talk on the phone, shower and prepare stuff for the next day. It is nearly impossible to choose to do all of these activities every day,

"...we have nothing to fear but fear itself."

The purpose of this entry will be to document any fears I have about going into the army.

1) Being captured – I have heard what Arabs do to prisoners; it’s not pretty. It reminds me of my grandfather’s description of how the Japanese treated the American prisoners during World War 2. While the Germans would usually transport POW to a POW camp, the Japanese were infamous for torturing Americans in defiance of rules of warfare. Come to think about it, the whole idea of “rules of warfare” sounds subjective and debatable.
But the main fear I would have would not be for myself. I would hate to think of what news of my capture or death would mean to my family. I understand that this entire fear is far fetched, as I will probably be no where near any action, but it still crosses my mind.

2) Cheating on my girlfriend – The Israeli army is reputed to have quite a promiscuous atmosphere. When I was Shana Bet (2nd year in Israel, 3 years ago,) there was a kid in my yeshiva whose girlfriend was in the army. She told him that the army offers unlimited birth control, condoms and pays for two free abortions. I am aware that the army is promiscuous because it is filled with 18-21 year olds, and maybe I will be away from such an atmosphere because I am older. For one, I am going to be recruited in a group that consists of men over 22, so I think that will help take care of the problem. I do not think that I am the type to do something stupid, but you never really know for sure. I am reminded of the Gemara at the end of the first chapter of Kiddushin that states that a man who overcomes his desires to sin promiscuously will be saved from physical danger. Maybe overcoming this fear will save me from my first fear.

3) Becoming lax in my observance of Judaism – This fear is really just an extension of the second fear. The army is reputed not to have an atmosphere conducive to religious life. Basically, these two fears boil down to one idea: when you play with cripples, you start to limp. That does no excuse any decisions I make while in the army. Every single person is responsible – meaning that he or she is able to choose his or her response; there is always a choice. I hope I choose wisely.

I think that stating what I fear as I enter the army is only natural. Also, knowing what is right and wrong, what is helpful and hurtful, will help me to face, and hopefully quell, anything negative that comes my way.

Lonely

I got a call from a woman on the morning of November 13th 2006. She told me that she had to discuss my right as a chayal boded (lone soldier – a soldier who has no immediate family in the country. She asks me to come in on December 13th and arrange the paperwork. I figure that if I push it off that long I’ll forget, so I ask her if I could come over immediately and do it now. Once again, I am on the next bus back to Lishkat Geyus.

About 20 minutes later, I was called in for my meeting. A lady showed me my basic rights and showed me what I had to sign. I was given this pamphlet with all the rights of a Chayal Boded. Funny thing is that the pamphlet is filled with pictures of lonely, depressed soldiers.

The woman tells me what I can either get an extra 700₪ a month for renting an apartment or a free room at Beit Chayal, a place where soldiers can live during their free time. She didn’t know if I can get a Kosher or Shomer Shabbat room at Beit Chayal, so I opt for the money. I figure I can get someone to sign a contract saying that I am paying him or her rent so that I can get this extra money. A chayal boded gets other rights, but I am not sure what is applicable, so I’ll note them as I get them in the future.

When Israelis say "no," they mean, "not unless you yell."

I get no call back from the general about moving up my draft date. I freaked out and called my Aaliyah Shaliach, just to find out she was visiting Israel at the time. She told me to call some guy named Tzuki Ude (052-384-7909.) Tzuki works with new Olim and lone soldiers and may be able to help me. She also tells me to call Merkaz Aaliyah BaOlam (02-620-4373.) The Merkaz doesn’t so much as return my call. Tzuki, on the other hand, tells me that he can try to help me out, but I need to fax him a copy of the letter I left at Lishkat Giyus with my reasons for wanting to push up my draft date.

I go back to Lishkat Giyus the next day and retrieve my letter. The officers have no even touched it yet. I went upstairs and asked someone to fax it to Tzuki for me. The soldier faxed it for me without a problem. One of the major benefits of such an army atmosphere is that everyone is chilled out and will do you favors like copy and fax stuff for you without question.

I went back downstairs and asked the officer why he didn’t call me back. He told me that I had to request this from a guy in the next office named Nir Cohen. This didn’t account for his irresponsibility of not calling me back and, seemingly, never intending to, but I was in no position to argue to I went to go speak with Nir Cohen. Nir is a young guy, maybe 19 or 20 who works in the office that people usually go to if they want to push off their draft date; nonetheless, my request fell under his jurisdiction. I give him the letter and he made me explain it to him. I did and he told me he’d get back to me by the end of the day.

He didn’t. I went back to Lishkat Geyus the next day and asked him what’s going on. He told me that his commander is sick and that he can’t grant requests like this without her permission. He says he’ll call me next Monday.

He didn’t. I went back and he asked me to explain everything to him again, as if it were the first time I gave him my request. He told me that he’d call me by the next morning.

Give a guess what happened next. I was at Bar-Ilan doing my interview for grad school. The problem is that until I know when I am going into the army, I cannot choose a time to start grad school. Nir promised he’d call me before the Bar-Ilan interview so that I can confirm my application. He also gave me his office number so that I can call to “remind him” before 10 in the morning. His number is 02-500-7207.

OK, now I got real pissed. He had been lying to me about his commander being sick for two weeks now. It is impossible for her to be sick this long without having someone temporarily replace her duty in this department. I went back and asked Nir when he’d know an answer for sure. He tells me that he’ll know by 2 the next day and that he’ll call me. “No,” I responded. “Let me call you this time.”

I call at 2 the next day and no one answers. There is no machine, so it just kept ringing. I let it ring 50 or 100 times until it pissed off the people in the next office so much that they answered it. I told the soldier who answered the phone that Nir was supposed to be in his office at this time and give me a response. The people in the office next door find Nir. He still didn’t ask about my request. He told me he’d know in a half hour. “Fine,” I responded, “I’ll call back in a half hour.”

I call again and again every half hour, letting the phone ring from 50-100 times, just patiently waiting for Nir. Every time I call, the people in the office next to him pick it up and find him and get even more pissed at him for not answering his phone. And everytime I speak to Nir he tells me that he’ll get back to me in a half hour. I assured him that I have no problem continuing to call him every half hour.

At 4:30 he breaks down and apologizes for doing nothing this entire time. He begs me to stop calling for the day and assures me that he’ll really ask tomorrow and he’ll really call me with results. I responded, “Okay, except let me call you.”

The next day I go to Ulpan and relax. I can rest assured that he’ll get back to me or I’ll make his life a living hell. I know I broke him and that gives me an incredible feeling of satisfaction. I missed his call at 10:30 by accident and called him back a` few minutes later. “Where were you?” he asked in a voice filled with panic. I told him I was in Ulpan and missed his call by accident. He told me that he got the work done and that I was approved for the December 18th draft. He told me that he’d send my draft letter in the mail. I was not sure if he was lying to me or not; maybe he was just trying to shut me up. I told him that he shouldn’t bother sending the letter because I’ll come over right now to pick it up in person.

I went on the next bus to Lichkat Geyus and waited for Nir to come out of some meeting. During this time I went to the drafting office and asked them when I am to show up for the draft. He checked the computers and found that I was indeed registered for this December’s draft. Soon after, Nir came out of his meeting and gave me my Tzav Giyus (draft notice.) Things are looking up.

Profiling - Part 2

Now I am faced with a slight dilemma. On one hand, I need to ensure that I get a good profile so that I can serve in the army. On the other hand, I know that I need to take care of my high blood pressure. Thus I am in need of a strategy to (1) get a doctor to sign on my medical form from the army without seeing the results, or else lying about them and (2) getting another doctor to help me manage my slightly high blood pressure.

I went to Yad Sarah, an organization that lends out medical equipment, in order to borrow a blood pressure monitor (I had to leave a 200₪ deposit.) Then I took the monitor to a nurse at my local kupat cholim (medical insurance) and told her that she was to sign the medical forms upon witnessing that the results of my blood pressure monitor matched hers. Realize that she could read the forms; they were right in front of her eyes. She simply took my word and checked my monitor and gave me my signature and off I went.

I have been under slight crtisism for this entire deception, so let me just explain. I had high blood pressure once before and my doctor determined after myriads of tests that it was a “white coat syndrome,” meaning that it is higher in a doctor’s office because I am nervous. What good would it do to monitor myself for nine weeks when I have to go to a doctor’s office in order to measure it each time? If it is a white coat syndrome, we’ll never know. The doctor at Lishkat Giyus was a Miluim guy who was so indifferent that he didn’t give me the time of day. Thus, for better of for worse, I took matters into my own hands.

I went to my regular doctor and began dealing with my blood pressure problem. He ordered me to wear a blood pressure monitor for a day to see once and for all what the deal with my blood pressure is. I had this system of wires and pads hooked up to me in order to check my blood pressure randomly throughout the day. The wires made me look like a suicide bomber for a day.

The results came back two weeks later and it appears that my blood pressure is slightly high, not significantly, and that white coat syndrome exaggerated it. Thus it turns out that the numbers I had written on the medical form were honest after all. I had written them to be a bit high in case, God forbid, something should happen to me because of my blood pressure, the army should be in the know.

On September 18th, I went back to Lishkat Giyus and gave over a copy of my college degree, college transcripts and the ID of the person who gets money if something happens to me. When I gave over my college stuff, the soldier asked me if I had registered my degree with the ministry of education. I told her that I had, but they take six months to authorize a degree, unless the army steps in and asks for it to be authorized sooner. The girl did not believe me and I gave her the fax number and file number to move up my degree’s authorization. She still didn’t believe me. I told her to call over her supervisor and finally her supervisor’s supervisor admitted that I was in the right and she faxed over the information to the ministry of education. As I keep saying, in the army you are dealing with a bunch of 18-20 year olds. They have no long term experience and it is annoying; you have to boss your way through the bureaucracy.

I went to give my blood pressure results and was told to wait a few minutes for the results of my profile. As you may be assuming, in a place like Lishkat Geyus you need to remind people again and again why you are waiting, so finally the soldier gave me my results. My profile is a 97. That is the highest score that one can attain, and I got it despite the fact that I recorded that I have slightly high blood pressure. Apparently that doesn’t affect a profile at all. Now I can go downstairs and get my draft date.

I went downstairs and I was told I’d begin the army in May 2007. Wow, not exactly what I was expecting. Shlav Gimmel has two drafts per year, December and May. I really wanted December for all the reasons I wrote before. I asked the guy if he could help me out. He told me to write my reasons for pushing up my draft date and he’d get back to me that afternoon.

Profiling - Part 1

On August 22, my girlfriend got a call with a message for me to show up and meet with someone on August 30th. The man from the army did not say with whom I should meet; I guess I’ll have to figure that out on my own.

I woke up August 30th and went back to Lishkat Geyus. I don’t know what got lost in translation but by their records they told me that no one was scheduled to meet with me. They told me to just begin the physical and psychological tests to determine my profile. I was given this swiping card that I bring to each place so that they can keep track of my results.

The first stand I had to go to was a sort of interview / psychological test. I was asked basic psychological questions (“are you depressed?” “do you use drugs or alcohol etc.”) and had to converse a bit in Hebrew about any movie I saw or book I read recently. I was asked what I would like to do in the army, to which I responded, “I’d really like to clean toilets and guard Machane Yehudah.” Apparently the soldier with whom I spoke did not find that so funny…

Anyways, I had to give all my basic information, plus the name and ID number of another Israeli who gets a lot of money, should something horrible happen to me. I also did not have a copy of my college degree and transcripts, which they need also. I told them I’d bring it over sometime soon.

The interview took a long time, and I really had to use the bathroom. When it was over, I was finally able to go and relieve my stressed bladder. Then I went to the next stand, ready for whatever was to come my way. I entered the room and a woman asks for a urine sample. Well, I was ready for almost anything to come my way.

So there I am, talking to by body, thinking of waterfalls and running water so that I can produce just another cupful or urine. Finally I do what I’m supposed to and I pass with flying colors. I took a quick eye test and I was on to the next station.

The next station consisted of two doctors. I was told to give some basic medical information and then went to meet with the doctors. The first doctor, a man, took down my basic medical information again and took my blood pressure. It was kind of high. I told him that in the past I had significantly higher blood pressure when it was taken in a doctor’s office, a sort of “white coat syndrome,” as they call it. He told me to fill out a form monitoring by blood pressure over the next nine weeks and then get back to him. He asked about any problems I could possibly have with my back or knees and I told him I had none.

Now this is where I received a lot of criticism from friends. Many of you know I had a herniated disc nearly two years ago and was in pain for over a year. I had healed myself following the technique of Dr. John Sarno and now my pain is gone forever, now that I know that it is caused by physiological, not physical, factors. I didn’t mention any of this because I did not want this guy to only listen to half of what I was saying and lower my profile due to back problems. I have none. I don’t think I lied because at the time I was telling the absolute truth – I have no back problems. Furthermore, I was told to do a number of physical checks on my back by the next doctor (touch your toes etc.) and I performed all the tasks with ease.

Speaking of the next doctor, the next doctor is a woman who has to check me when I am undressed (for hernea etc.) Now, I would logically say that for the reason of privacy and sensitivity to religion, the army should only use male doctors for men and women for women when it comes to physical checks that require undressing. Especially the Israeli army, which has thousands of doctors at their disposal (being called up for Meluim) and can easily arrange for a male doctor. I see this as an unnecessary showing of indifference to religion. I can see Charedim (very orthodox) flipping out over this. At another time in this blog I plan on recording my feelings about Charedim and the religious atmosphere of the army.

…Anyways, after meeting with the doctor I had to go to the final station. This station consisted of a series of computerized tests that take several hours. I entered and was asked how well I speak Hebrew. I told them that I speak like an amateur and they told me that I could take the tests in English. This means that I only take the parts of the tests that are multilingual, such as math problems and continuing patterns. The whole test took me about thirty minutes.

After all the stations, a soldier told me that I could not get my draft date until I get my profile, and that my profile depended on my blood pressure. This would mean I’d have to wait at least nine weeks in order to get a draft date, endangering the possibility of getting an earlier draft date. I asked if there was any way I could do it sooner. The soldier told me that if I wanted to do it sooner I’d have to speak to a commander named Avi. Needless to say, Avi wasn’t in his office, so I just waited outside his office for a while. There was another soldier in the office, but he said that he could not grant me any permission to do the tests sooner unless he asked Avi. So I waited.

There are times you come to appreciate a bureaucracy of 18-21 year olds. This was one of them. The other soldier in Avi’s office was doing nothing until a female soldier came in to spend time with him. I could tell that he wanted me to leave so that he could be alone with this girl, but I was waiting for Avi. He looked at me and said, “look, you can do the tests two times a week instead of once.” Since I only had to run nine tests, I could complete this in only four and a half weeks. I responded “I don’t know, maybe I should wait for Avi.” He looks at me and says “fine, you can do the tests every other day and come back in two and a half weeks.” I agreed and went back home.

my first trip to lishkat giyus

I came to Israel with Nefesh b’ Nefesh on August 16, 2006. As per the law of the State of Israel (which, by the way, changes every 20 minutes) I am required to serve for six months of initial service in the IDF (Israeli Defense Forces.) Every year after, I will do the standard reserve duty, commonly known as Miluim.

Usually the IDF will not call up a new Oleh in his first year of being in the country, but I wanted to have my army service pushed up for a number of reasons. For one, I am currently single, and serving in the IDF will be much easier to do as such. Two, I plan on going to graduate school for an MBA. While I can delay my service until after getting my MBA, I cannot delay it forever. MBA programs often get students jobs and if I have to go to the army after grad school, I may lose out on the chance of getting a job, which is a major deal in Israel. Finally, by joining sooner than later, I can work on my Hebrew and achieve fluency. I have gone to Yeshiva my entire life and I have been to Ulpan, but unless I am speaking Hebrew in a closed environment, I will not learn the language fluently. I am hoping that the army will do this for me.

I tried arranging my army service while I was in America, preparing to make Aaliyah, but to no avail. Both my Aaliyah Shaliach as well as the head of Nefesh b’ Nefesh told me that I could only arrange my service once I was in the county; there was nothing to do but wait.

On August 17, 2006, the day after I arrived to Israel I went to Lishkat Geyus (army enlistment office) early in the morning. Word of advice, don’t bother showing up before 8:30; none of the commanders do and you can’t do anything without speaking to them anyways. Lishkat Geyus is a strange place. It is a bureaucracy made up of kids 18-20 years old. This has many advantages and disadvantages that I’ll get to later.

I basically showed up and asked to speak to someone about enlisting. I was sent to the third floor and told to wait for some commander to show up. When he finally came, he spoke to me for a little bit and took down my ID number and contact information. At the time I did not have a phone number, so I gave him my girlfriend’s number and told him I’d call and change my contact information once I get a cell phone. He told me I should expect a call in under a week telling me when and where to meet a commander about enlistment.

Intro

In a couple of weeks I will be starting my service in Tzahal, the first Jewish army, of the Jewish people, in their Jewish homeland, in almost 2000 years.

This purpose of this blog is to document my experience in the Israeli Defense Forces, starting from my entry into the country. I hope to document not only what will occur, but how I feel as well. I am writing this for several audiences. I am writing this for my family, friends, students, and anyone else who will one day make Aaliyah and wonder what goes on in the army.

I am going into a program called shlav gimmel. This is a program for new olim, age 22 and up. If there is reading this who is or will be making Aaliyah at such an age, this is the blog for you. In fact, one of the reasons I am writing this blog is that no one ever wrote down what goes on in shlav gimmel, so I have no idea what to expect. Maybe my blog will help the next guy better prepare for what is to come.