Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Profiling - Part 2

Now I am faced with a slight dilemma. On one hand, I need to ensure that I get a good profile so that I can serve in the army. On the other hand, I know that I need to take care of my high blood pressure. Thus I am in need of a strategy to (1) get a doctor to sign on my medical form from the army without seeing the results, or else lying about them and (2) getting another doctor to help me manage my slightly high blood pressure.

I went to Yad Sarah, an organization that lends out medical equipment, in order to borrow a blood pressure monitor (I had to leave a 200₪ deposit.) Then I took the monitor to a nurse at my local kupat cholim (medical insurance) and told her that she was to sign the medical forms upon witnessing that the results of my blood pressure monitor matched hers. Realize that she could read the forms; they were right in front of her eyes. She simply took my word and checked my monitor and gave me my signature and off I went.

I have been under slight crtisism for this entire deception, so let me just explain. I had high blood pressure once before and my doctor determined after myriads of tests that it was a “white coat syndrome,” meaning that it is higher in a doctor’s office because I am nervous. What good would it do to monitor myself for nine weeks when I have to go to a doctor’s office in order to measure it each time? If it is a white coat syndrome, we’ll never know. The doctor at Lishkat Giyus was a Miluim guy who was so indifferent that he didn’t give me the time of day. Thus, for better of for worse, I took matters into my own hands.

I went to my regular doctor and began dealing with my blood pressure problem. He ordered me to wear a blood pressure monitor for a day to see once and for all what the deal with my blood pressure is. I had this system of wires and pads hooked up to me in order to check my blood pressure randomly throughout the day. The wires made me look like a suicide bomber for a day.

The results came back two weeks later and it appears that my blood pressure is slightly high, not significantly, and that white coat syndrome exaggerated it. Thus it turns out that the numbers I had written on the medical form were honest after all. I had written them to be a bit high in case, God forbid, something should happen to me because of my blood pressure, the army should be in the know.

On September 18th, I went back to Lishkat Giyus and gave over a copy of my college degree, college transcripts and the ID of the person who gets money if something happens to me. When I gave over my college stuff, the soldier asked me if I had registered my degree with the ministry of education. I told her that I had, but they take six months to authorize a degree, unless the army steps in and asks for it to be authorized sooner. The girl did not believe me and I gave her the fax number and file number to move up my degree’s authorization. She still didn’t believe me. I told her to call over her supervisor and finally her supervisor’s supervisor admitted that I was in the right and she faxed over the information to the ministry of education. As I keep saying, in the army you are dealing with a bunch of 18-20 year olds. They have no long term experience and it is annoying; you have to boss your way through the bureaucracy.

I went to give my blood pressure results and was told to wait a few minutes for the results of my profile. As you may be assuming, in a place like Lishkat Geyus you need to remind people again and again why you are waiting, so finally the soldier gave me my results. My profile is a 97. That is the highest score that one can attain, and I got it despite the fact that I recorded that I have slightly high blood pressure. Apparently that doesn’t affect a profile at all. Now I can go downstairs and get my draft date.

I went downstairs and I was told I’d begin the army in May 2007. Wow, not exactly what I was expecting. Shlav Gimmel has two drafts per year, December and May. I really wanted December for all the reasons I wrote before. I asked the guy if he could help me out. He told me to write my reasons for pushing up my draft date and he’d get back to me that afternoon.

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