On August 22, my girlfriend got a call with a message for me to show up and meet with someone on August 30th. The man from the army did not say with whom I should meet; I guess I’ll have to figure that out on my own.
I woke up August 30th and went back to Lishkat Geyus. I don’t know what got lost in translation but by their records they told me that no one was scheduled to meet with me. They told me to just begin the physical and psychological tests to determine my profile. I was given this swiping card that I bring to each place so that they can keep track of my results.
The first stand I had to go to was a sort of interview / psychological test. I was asked basic psychological questions (“are you depressed?” “do you use drugs or alcohol etc.”) and had to converse a bit in Hebrew about any movie I saw or book I read recently. I was asked what I would like to do in the army, to which I responded, “I’d really like to clean toilets and guard Machane Yehudah.” Apparently the soldier with whom I spoke did not find that so funny…
Anyways, I had to give all my basic information, plus the name and ID number of another Israeli who gets a lot of money, should something horrible happen to me. I also did not have a copy of my college degree and transcripts, which they need also. I told them I’d bring it over sometime soon.
The interview took a long time, and I really had to use the bathroom. When it was over, I was finally able to go and relieve my stressed bladder. Then I went to the next stand, ready for whatever was to come my way. I entered the room and a woman asks for a urine sample. Well, I was ready for almost anything to come my way.
So there I am, talking to by body, thinking of waterfalls and running water so that I can produce just another cupful or urine. Finally I do what I’m supposed to and I pass with flying colors. I took a quick eye test and I was on to the next station.
The next station consisted of two doctors. I was told to give some basic medical information and then went to meet with the doctors. The first doctor, a man, took down my basic medical information again and took my blood pressure. It was kind of high. I told him that in the past I had significantly higher blood pressure when it was taken in a doctor’s office, a sort of “white coat syndrome,” as they call it. He told me to fill out a form monitoring by blood pressure over the next nine weeks and then get back to him. He asked about any problems I could possibly have with my back or knees and I told him I had none.
Now this is where I received a lot of criticism from friends. Many of you know I had a herniated disc nearly two years ago and was in pain for over a year. I had healed myself following the technique of Dr. John Sarno and now my pain is gone forever, now that I know that it is caused by physiological, not physical, factors. I didn’t mention any of this because I did not want this guy to only listen to half of what I was saying and lower my profile due to back problems. I have none. I don’t think I lied because at the time I was telling the absolute truth – I have no back problems. Furthermore, I was told to do a number of physical checks on my back by the next doctor (touch your toes etc.) and I performed all the tasks with ease.
Speaking of the next doctor, the next doctor is a woman who has to check me when I am undressed (for hernea etc.) Now, I would logically say that for the reason of privacy and sensitivity to religion, the army should only use male doctors for men and women for women when it comes to physical checks that require undressing. Especially the Israeli army, which has thousands of doctors at their disposal (being called up for Meluim) and can easily arrange for a male doctor. I see this as an unnecessary showing of indifference to religion. I can see Charedim (very orthodox) flipping out over this. At another time in this blog I plan on recording my feelings about Charedim and the religious atmosphere of the army.
…Anyways, after meeting with the doctor I had to go to the final station. This station consisted of a series of computerized tests that take several hours. I entered and was asked how well I speak Hebrew. I told them that I speak like an amateur and they told me that I could take the tests in English. This means that I only take the parts of the tests that are multilingual, such as math problems and continuing patterns. The whole test took me about thirty minutes.
After all the stations, a soldier told me that I could not get my draft date until I get my profile, and that my profile depended on my blood pressure. This would mean I’d have to wait at least nine weeks in order to get a draft date, endangering the possibility of getting an earlier draft date. I asked if there was any way I could do it sooner. The soldier told me that if I wanted to do it sooner I’d have to speak to a commander named Avi. Needless to say, Avi wasn’t in his office, so I just waited outside his office for a while. There was another soldier in the office, but he said that he could not grant me any permission to do the tests sooner unless he asked Avi. So I waited.
There are times you come to appreciate a bureaucracy of 18-21 year olds. This was one of them. The other soldier in Avi’s office was doing nothing until a female soldier came in to spend time with him. I could tell that he wanted me to leave so that he could be alone with this girl, but I was waiting for Avi. He looked at me and said, “look, you can do the tests two times a week instead of once.” Since I only had to run nine tests, I could complete this in only four and a half weeks. I responded “I don’t know, maybe I should wait for Avi.” He looks at me and says “fine, you can do the tests every other day and come back in two and a half weeks.” I agreed and went back home.
I woke up August 30th and went back to Lishkat Geyus. I don’t know what got lost in translation but by their records they told me that no one was scheduled to meet with me. They told me to just begin the physical and psychological tests to determine my profile. I was given this swiping card that I bring to each place so that they can keep track of my results.
The first stand I had to go to was a sort of interview / psychological test. I was asked basic psychological questions (“are you depressed?” “do you use drugs or alcohol etc.”) and had to converse a bit in Hebrew about any movie I saw or book I read recently. I was asked what I would like to do in the army, to which I responded, “I’d really like to clean toilets and guard Machane Yehudah.” Apparently the soldier with whom I spoke did not find that so funny…
Anyways, I had to give all my basic information, plus the name and ID number of another Israeli who gets a lot of money, should something horrible happen to me. I also did not have a copy of my college degree and transcripts, which they need also. I told them I’d bring it over sometime soon.
The interview took a long time, and I really had to use the bathroom. When it was over, I was finally able to go and relieve my stressed bladder. Then I went to the next stand, ready for whatever was to come my way. I entered the room and a woman asks for a urine sample. Well, I was ready for almost anything to come my way.
So there I am, talking to by body, thinking of waterfalls and running water so that I can produce just another cupful or urine. Finally I do what I’m supposed to and I pass with flying colors. I took a quick eye test and I was on to the next station.
The next station consisted of two doctors. I was told to give some basic medical information and then went to meet with the doctors. The first doctor, a man, took down my basic medical information again and took my blood pressure. It was kind of high. I told him that in the past I had significantly higher blood pressure when it was taken in a doctor’s office, a sort of “white coat syndrome,” as they call it. He told me to fill out a form monitoring by blood pressure over the next nine weeks and then get back to him. He asked about any problems I could possibly have with my back or knees and I told him I had none.
Now this is where I received a lot of criticism from friends. Many of you know I had a herniated disc nearly two years ago and was in pain for over a year. I had healed myself following the technique of Dr. John Sarno and now my pain is gone forever, now that I know that it is caused by physiological, not physical, factors. I didn’t mention any of this because I did not want this guy to only listen to half of what I was saying and lower my profile due to back problems. I have none. I don’t think I lied because at the time I was telling the absolute truth – I have no back problems. Furthermore, I was told to do a number of physical checks on my back by the next doctor (touch your toes etc.) and I performed all the tasks with ease.
Speaking of the next doctor, the next doctor is a woman who has to check me when I am undressed (for hernea etc.) Now, I would logically say that for the reason of privacy and sensitivity to religion, the army should only use male doctors for men and women for women when it comes to physical checks that require undressing. Especially the Israeli army, which has thousands of doctors at their disposal (being called up for Meluim) and can easily arrange for a male doctor. I see this as an unnecessary showing of indifference to religion. I can see Charedim (very orthodox) flipping out over this. At another time in this blog I plan on recording my feelings about Charedim and the religious atmosphere of the army.
…Anyways, after meeting with the doctor I had to go to the final station. This station consisted of a series of computerized tests that take several hours. I entered and was asked how well I speak Hebrew. I told them that I speak like an amateur and they told me that I could take the tests in English. This means that I only take the parts of the tests that are multilingual, such as math problems and continuing patterns. The whole test took me about thirty minutes.
After all the stations, a soldier told me that I could not get my draft date until I get my profile, and that my profile depended on my blood pressure. This would mean I’d have to wait at least nine weeks in order to get a draft date, endangering the possibility of getting an earlier draft date. I asked if there was any way I could do it sooner. The soldier told me that if I wanted to do it sooner I’d have to speak to a commander named Avi. Needless to say, Avi wasn’t in his office, so I just waited outside his office for a while. There was another soldier in the office, but he said that he could not grant me any permission to do the tests sooner unless he asked Avi. So I waited.
There are times you come to appreciate a bureaucracy of 18-21 year olds. This was one of them. The other soldier in Avi’s office was doing nothing until a female soldier came in to spend time with him. I could tell that he wanted me to leave so that he could be alone with this girl, but I was waiting for Avi. He looked at me and said, “look, you can do the tests two times a week instead of once.” Since I only had to run nine tests, I could complete this in only four and a half weeks. I responded “I don’t know, maybe I should wait for Avi.” He looks at me and says “fine, you can do the tests every other day and come back in two and a half weeks.” I agreed and went back home.
2 comments:
What is "Machane Yehudah"?
Machane Yehudah is a big outdoor marketplace where people buy fruits and vegetables. People usually call it "the shook."
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